Plug In Baby

Now it’s time for changing and cleansing everything to forget your love. ~ “Plug In Baby,” Muse

She dumped me on the side of the road. Literally. This woman who is older than me, seemed to have her shit together, thought she knew what she wanted, was “ready to date.” She made out with me at the bar, held my hand and my leg, suggested we take a walk, and then dumped me on the side of the road. Like it was nothing. Like none of it mattered and we could just transition into being friends. I just… I don’t get it.

Things had been rough with Marie Harrison for a few weeks. She moved VERY slowly in the beginning, and then over one weekend we spent five days together, had sex for the first time, did some traveling together, opened up about all kinds of things. We turned a corner. And once she was in, she appeared to be all in. And I bought it all the way. I felt safe, I felt confident because we had actually worked to get to where we were instead of just messing around at first. I believed her when she said she really liked me. I allowed myself to think that her messaging me through a dating app even though I had logged out of that app was a sign. She found me, and rescued me in a sense. Helped me realize there could be someone else out there to put hope in besides The Sister. So when, four days after our turning point weekend she started pulling away, I was a bit surprised. She had mentioned still being freaked out that things were moving too fast, so I again tried to let her lead and only do what she was comfortable with. Which apparently was distance.

We went from being around each other every chance we could, having sex and plenty of public PDA, to kissing goodbye in public and sleeping next to each other but not touching a week later. Then a week after that she wouldn’t spend the night, didn’t really answer text messages much, and continually told me how much pressure I was putting on her. Within three weeks basically everything I believed and bought into had done a complete 180 and been taken away. I was baffled. Confused. Depressed. A little angry. Now I’m a lot angry. The whole process sucked.

So when I told her I was headed to her home town for a drag show and asked if she wanted to meet up, I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t really respond. She eventually told me where she was in town and said I could meet her if I wanted, which I did. She was with her niece, who I had met a few days before. She acted somewhat normally around me. Then we went to the drag show. A co-worker of mine arrived, and I introduced them. The co-worker asked Marie all the typical questions about how long we had dated, if she liked me, if she thought those dating apps worked. Marie’s response? “Well, I got lucky with this one, didn’t I?” I smiled, and my heart lifted a bit.

After my co-worker left, Marie and I had a lot of fun together. We drank, sang stupid songs together, and when I leaned in to kiss her she touched my face very sweetly and kissed me back, hard. Even pulled me back in when I started to pull away. I looked her deep in the eyes, and suddenly all my worries, my doubts, my fears about if we were going to make it went away. I knew we were going to be okay. So I let my guard down and relaxed with her so we could enjoy the rest of the night. So when she suggested we take a walk to sober up before driving home, I thought nothing of it.

We walked around the block in the freezing cold, and on the way back to our cars she said it. “So I’ve decided this online dating thing isn’t really working for me. So I’ve changed all my profiles to say I’m just looking for friends, and I would like us to not date anymore and go back to being friends with the hopes of something more later.” I came to a dead stop. I was completely caught off guard. I was embarrassed. And angry. And confused at how she could make out with me for 20 minutes, then dump me on the side of the road. Again… LITERALLY ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. Who does that??

You know, during our epic weekend together, we went to a county fair and rode the Zipper. This woman, who had seen combat in Afghanistan, was terrified of this ride. TERRIFIED. I’ve never had someone cuss me out so much at one time… Afterward she was apparently really turned on by the situation and we had crazy sex. Eventually she told me that if I had dragged her on that ride, made her face those crazy fears, and then dumped her any time in the next three weeks she would become one of those crazy ex-girlfriends and would kidnap my favorite cat. I thought she was joking, in a very weird, dark sort of way. But she brought it up like three more times over the next few weeks, reminding me how many of the 21 days I had left to “stick it out” before my cat was safe.

Wanna know how many days after riding the Zipper that she dumped me? 22.

Talk about a set up.

Don’t confuse, baby, you’re gonna lose your own game. Change me, and replace the envying to forget your love.

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