Call Me Maybe

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number. So call me maybe. “Call Me Maybe,” Carly Rae Jepsen

I decided to give the online dating world a try again. Although nothing good has come from it… It really is the easiest, most time-efficient way to meet someone. You can scope them out, get a feel for how they present themselves, look at some pics, and see if you want to meet. To me, its at least an investigative way to take a look at someone before putting in the time to meet in person. And I usually feel I go into in-person meetings with a fair understanding of who this online character is. But with Crazy Stoner, I could not have been more off base…

I threw a wish in the well. Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell. I looked to you as it fell and now you’re in my way.

I flew to Universal Studios in Orlando for a special event, and I flew in and out of Memphis. Now I’ve had an interesting history with Memphis and girls I’ve met online… but when I came across a girl FROM Memphis who seemed to be fairly cool, I figured I’d throw it out there that I was flying out of her city and would have time to hang out either before or after my trip. She never responded. For a week. So I let it go. However the night I got into town she popped back up and sent me her number, said texting was easier, and told me to have a good time. So when I got back into Memphis after my trip, I texted her. She was very talkative, asked the right questions, and hinted at being hungry. I hadn’t lived on the edge in a few days (outside of going to Universal Studios the night before…) so I thought what the hell, lets invite her to lunch and see how it goes. No point in dragging it out and having to make another trip back to Memphis to meet, right?

She called me on the way to lunch because she didn’t want me to text and drive. Fair enough. Her accent was thick, but that’s to be expected. However she Never. Stopped. Talking. She asked if I smoked, I told her not cigarettes, and she offered me some weed to come pick her up and take her to the restaurant. That’s kind of her, I thought, but a little odd… Plus it was 10:30 a.m. and I was running on about three hours sleep, so smoking was out of the question for me.

I get her address and park out front. She tells me not to come in because her roommate is crazy. She comes outside and gets in the car of a total stranger… and off we go. When we get to the brunch spot, she whips out her pipe and a packed joint and offers it to me. “I better not since I have to drive home,” I tell her. So she decides not to smoke either and leaves all her stuff in my car door. STILL. TALKING. Like won’t let up enough to even give me directions to the restaurant…

You gave me nothing at all, but still you’re in my way.

During brunch she tells me about wanting to live in Slab City, California, which has no laws and no actual town. Just hippies. Her goal is to work a regular job enough to buy a van and travel across the country, then find another job in order to save up and drive home. Seems reasonable… She tells me how her best friend overdosed her on acid and she almost died. How the girl she dated before has decided to transition into a man and wants to try dating again. How she just moved out of her parents house and they have now realized how much work she did for them. It was all… too much. She also dropped in how she only had $30 to get her through the week, so when the waitress asked if we wanted one check or two she looked at me longingly… I said two.

On the drive back to her place she smoked a joint. That’s fine. But then the talking, and now coughing, continued the entire drive. When I parked out front of her place again she told me to text her when I got home. I did not.

It was an adventure to say the least. And one I’m glad I took. I’m not often brave enough. But Crazy Stoner is living proof that in-person and online are often two COMPLETELY different people. So be careful out there, kids. And don’t just give out your number to everybody.

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